Fast-Casual Dining

If you’re like me and you like nothing more than spending 9 dollars on a sandwich you could have made, if only you had the foresight to buy the right ingredients, then listen up.

It’s a big part of our economy and it goes unnoticed —or at least no one talks about it. Fast-casual dining saves lives for people like me. It’s the brave men and women who sell the food in between the fatty, cheap fast food chains and the pretentious, expensive, time-wasting, tip-begging sit down restaurants.

Enter a chipotle between 11:30am and 8:00pm in Northern California and your chances of seeing a Verderosa are 22%. Percentage decreases with increased proximity to CPK

Not following?

Let’s say you call up your bro…

“yo, what up?
“Wanna get food?”
“Shit, is it 3:30 already? Yeah, I’m down, just getting over this hangover.”
“Perfect. Where you tryna go?”
“Shit, I dont know.”
“Alright, whatever, I’ll just come over now.”
“Alright I’ll see you in 20”

Do you think you and your bro are about to get a nice sit down meal? Do you think we’re about to split a check? Who wants to deal with the pressure of leaving a tip for your prick waiter?

Nor are you about to wait in line at Carls Jr., your topsiders sticking to the floor, ordering from a menu no man should even consider sober.

No, you’re gonna roll over to a place with sandwiches, burgers, salad’s, burritos, pizzas or other similarly shaped ethnic treats where you will pay anywhere between $7 and $11.50. You’re gonna receive a receipt from the cashier that has your number and if your lucky its something funny like 69 or 1. Other funny scenarios occur when your bro orders right after you and receives a number far behind yours. These cases are rare, however. Usually your receipt will only serve as a white piece of paper that when rolled up magically resembles a joint. In other cases, the cashier will ask you for your name, in which case you casually respond with your name. Under the event that you or your bro has an uncommon or foreign name feel free to use a back up name. I would suggest something funny like Donald or Barry. Have fun with it, remember its casual.

What else would you want?

Another important part of anyone’s fast-casual dining experience is the drink paradox. Drinks date back to the days of cavemen (can someone check this?), are a great addition to anyone’s dining experience. Unfortunately, drinks usually range between $1.30 and $2.15 and this presents a clear and unavoidable issue. You have a few choices…

1. Buy a drink
2. Don’t buy a drink
3. Ask for a cup for water and fill it with water
4. Ask for a cup for water and fill it with sprite

Now at a fast food restaurant you would obviously choose option four because 1. half the fun is disrespecting the place and 2. you’re probably too drunk care.

But this is fast-casual. You respect the place. It serves you good food and they even agreed to have a fundraiser for your fraternity. You feel bad lying and getting the soda when you asked for water, but at the same time it’s so easy, and such an obvious way to save a few dollars. I offer no resolution for this paradox, but only to say goodluck. Morally, you know what’s right, but economically, sometimes you gotta keep it real. For me, I usually ask for the water with the intentions of filling it up faithfully. Sometimes however, when I get to the soda machine, the temptation is too high and my finger slips.

Fast casual is a way of life. It’s great for dates, catch-up’s, group projects, bro-meals, going somewhere by yourself cause you hate your d-bag co-workers, shit talking sessions, and apologies.

Great Fast Casual restaurants include (but are not limited to):

Burger Joints
Sketch Mexican Places
That gyro place over by Greg’s that he said he always goes to
Panera Bread


About Andy Verderosa

Andy is a writer and copywriter in New York. Follow him at @andyverderosa.
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