Hard To Be Humble When you Stuntin’ on a Jumbotron

Of all the major sports stars —I’m talking Bradys, Mannings, A-Rods, Kobes, Ovechkins, Federers —Lebron was the least hateable megastar. You rooted for him unless your team was playing against him. You would watch a Cavs/Trailblazers game just because you liked to see the kid from Akron do his thing while the city of Cleveland worshiped him like they didn’t deserve it. Besides Pujols (who is soft anyway), no superstar was as universally loved as Lebron. There was no reason to particularly dislike him unless you were a freak Joakim Noah fan, which is about as gross and unexpected as waking up next to Stan Van Gundy.

But Lebron threw away all likability at “The Decision” as Jim Gray gave him a ballcuzzi and asked him slapdick questions like, “What have you thought of this process?” and “What did you expect?” Are you fucking kidding me? I get asked harder questions from an ATM machine

Lebron leaving Cleveland for Miami is like your girlfriend who taught you how to be cool, leaving you for Matthew McConaughey’s character in Dazed and Confused. Fuck that guy. Lebron walked out on a city and fan base that loved him for a city who’s number one sport is Football and number two is doing blow.

Can we blame Lebron though? Growing up without a father figure, being praised as the Chosen one before being able to read at a 9th grade level, James hasn’t exactly had a normal life, can we expect him to understand the way normal people think? Let’s say Lebron is completely out of touch with the real world, shouldn’t the Lebrontourage be there to slap some sense into him?

The thought behind “The Decision” one hour special baffles me. It would been okay if he was going back to Cleveland, in this circumstance, the Lebron scare in Cleveland would have transitioned nicely into a party. Lebron would have been loved even more in the city. The special would have been seen as a public expression of his loyalty, as if he was just teasing the other 5 teams, but his heart was still in Cleveland.

But no. “This fall I’m going to take my talents to South Beach.”

First of all, where I come from “taking your talents to south beach” means something completely different than what Lebron intended. Secondly, what a dickish way to say “fuck off Cleveland.” “Taking my talents to south beach” is like breaking up with your girlfriend by saying “I’m taking my dick to wetter pastures.” The special did more to hurt Cleveland fans than it did to thrill Miami fans. There’s no Tony Montana south beach asshole out there who wouldnt have been completely satisfied with Lebron without an hour long special. So what was the point? Ego?

I work with kids in elementary school and something I’ve noticed is that children always want to be on the same team as there friends for pretty much every game. That is, until around the 5th grade. At that point, the athletes would rather play against, and compete against there friends. They revel in the challenge and talk shit across the dodgeball court. I fucking love it. What does this say of Lebron’s maturity? I don’t give a shit if Lebron, D-Wade, and Bosh are such good friends that their menstrual cycles are in sync, true competitors —they compete, not join.

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About Andy Verderosa

Andy is a writer and copywriter in New York. Follow him at @andyverderosa.
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